Mrs. French's cat is missing.
The signs are posted all over town.
"Have you seen Honey?"
We've all seen the posters,
but nobody has seen Honey the cat,
nobody, until last Thursday morning,
when Miss Collette Piscine swerved her car
to miss Honey the cat as she drove across a bridge.
Well, this bridge, now slightly damaged,
is a bit of a local treasure
and even has its own fancy name,
Pont de Flaque.
Now, Colette-
that sounds like "culotte."
That's "panty" in French.
And "Piscine" means "pool."
Panty pool.
"Flaque" also means "pool" in French,
so Colette Piscine, in French, Panty Pool,
drives over the Pont de Flaque,
the Pont de Pool, if you will,
to avoid hitting Mrs. French's cat
that has been missing in Pontypool.
Pont de Pool. Pontypool.
Panty pool.
Pont de Flaque.
What does it mean?
Well, Norman Mailer, he had an interesting theory
that he used to explain the strange coincidences
in the aftermath of the JFK assassination.
In the wake of huge events, after them and before them,
physical details, they spasm for a moment.
They sort of unlock.
And when they come back into focus,
they suddenly coincide in a weird way.
Street names and birthdates and middle names,
all kind of superfluous things appear related to each other.
It's a ripple effect.
So what does it mean?
Well, it means something's going to happen,
something big.
But then, something's always about to happen.
Ronald Klein went peaceful in his 73rd year
at the Campbellford Hospital.
He left his loving wife of 51 years and three children-
No, no, I think it's got to be you.
You got to be the worst fucking agent in the world.
Come on.
It's not enough to say I'm working.
It's not enough.
Do you understand?
Well, if you think it's enough,
then maybe we're not thinking the same way.
You know what I mean?
Peter Hopper went peacefully in his own home.
He leaves Edna, his loving wife of 51 years-
You know-you know what- you know what, Rick?
You know what?
You're fired.
After a long struggle with illness.
Good.
Now we're both in the same boat.
In her 84th year.
She is survived by 11 children
and 57 grandchildren.
Oh, Jesus.
Brought to you by Kawartha Lake Monuments.
Memories are forever,
and so are Kawartha Lake's Grand Monuments.
Cast your memories in stone with Kawartha Lake Monuments.
What?
Hey!
Who are you?
Who are you? Who are you?
Who are you?
CLSY Beacon Radio,
your beacon on the region.
You're listening to "Mazzy in the Morning,"
with your host Grant Mazzy.
Morning, folks.
Mazzy here as he should be.
And here's hoping the road will rise to meet us all today.
I got a couple things to take care of first here,
a little housekeeping.
The staff and all the kids at the Tiny People's Little People Daycare
want to get a couple of birthdays on the air.
Charlie Yupgo is turning six today,
and...
Griffin and Camille Jones turn 6 and 4.
I guess that's a brother and a sister
with the same birthday or not.
Hey, we want to say happy birthday,
Charlie, Griffin, and Camille, however you may be related.
There, now-
Okay, Mazzy, come on, boy, please.
Be positive.
Morning, Mr. Mazzy.
Good morning, Laurel-Ann.
Loved your "Isn't it Ironic" this morning.
Love Norman Mailer.
Thanks.
You know, it takes a girl with big feet
to dig old Norm.
So did you get me the good stuff?
Ooh.
Mm.
Hey.
Let's make radio.
And, Laurel-Ann, do me a favor.
Look up all the information you can on 911 calls,
how many in a 24-hour period, how many hang-ups,
that sort of thing, okay?
And thanks.
Let's make radio.
You can play your June game today.
So swing those February blahs away
and go green today at Green Balls Driving Range.
♪ C-I-S-Y. ♪
♪ My beacon radio. ♪
♪ C-I-S-Y. ♪
Mm.
CLSY, Beacon Radio,
your beacon on the region.
You're listening to "Mazzy in the Morning"
with your host Grant Mazzy.
Good morning, Pontypool.
This is Radio 660, The Beacon,
down here in the dungeon
under the street they call Drum.
I'll be banging the drum for you all morning.
I'm Grant Mazzy,
and as always, I'll be taking no prisoners.
Now-
Mm.
I got my coffee here.
And take a look outside.
I'd say that's our top story for today, folks.
Now, I had a strange experience
on my way into work this morning,
and I'd like to get some advice from you people later on.
When do you call 911?
Think about it.
I should mention, our producer,
the lovely and talented Miss Sydney Briar is here.
And lucky Laurel-Ann Drummond,
she'll be our technical cowgirl today.
Now, I didn't know this.
Maybe you did.
But this is news to me.
Laurel-Ann did a tour of duty in Afghanistan not too, too long ago.
Well, you're right there, new guy.
Everybody does know.
She was the grand master of last year's fall fair.
Yesterday's news.
Hey.
Oh, sorry, Laurel-Ann.
I wasn't the grand master.
I was the homecoming hero.
Okay, I am sorry.
Okay, I am very bad.
Ooh, Sydney, Sydney, Sydney.
Come on, girl.
- I'm sorry. - It's okay.
Oh, you just heard an on-air apology from Sydney Briar.
She probably owes Laurel-Ann quite a few more.
Stay tuned.
Now, in our top story today,
a big, cold, dull, dark, white, empty,
never-ending, blow-my-brains-out,
seasonal-affective-disorder, freaking-kill-me-now,
weather front that'll last all day.
Well, maybe when the wind shifts later on,
we'll get a little greenhouse gas relief
from the industrial South.
Hail Mary, yea, though I walk,
we go to Ken Loney in the Sunshine Chopper.
It's always brighter above the clouds, Grant.
Hey, Ken, how you doing?
How are things in that bird up there?
You gonna stay in that bird up there during the storm?
Yes, sir.
Yes, siree.
Well, that can't be safe.
Is that safe, Ken?
Well, I'll be up here, Grant, on storm watch,
watching all the routes in and around our region.
Really?
Really, yep.
Okay, Ken.
Boy, I wouldn't want to be a bird if this storm hits
the way it's supposed to.
Don't call me girl, by the way, Grant.
And leave Ken alone.
Go slow, folks. We do have a tractor-
I think he's just concerned.
Carrying wind generator blades along the 401.
So slow going eastbound.
That's it from the Sunshine Chopper.
Remember, drink Zap Fruit.
Gets you up. Keeps you going.
Thank you, Ken Loney.
Breaking news out of Caesarea this morning.
Come on, boy. There we go.
Breaking news.
The Ontario Provincial Police are reporting a major bust
of a significant grow operation
in a quiet cul-de-sac in that town.
Constable Howard Ing says it's a sign of things to come.
These operations in suburban small-town neighborhoods
are the grow method of choice-
You smoke pot, Syd?
Yes, I do.
Don't make global warming jokes.
Why, I didn't make a joke.
I quoted the Bible.
There's no jokes in the Bible.
Speaking of the Bible, we are in a church,
not a dungeon.
Thanking you, Constable Howard Ing
of the Ontario Provincial Police.
You know, our local pot growers
are engaged in a deadly serious business,
deadly booby traps,
protecting their operations from prying eyes.
Land mines have been found-
Cool it, Grant.
They have vicious attack dogs and enough ammunition
to arm a small country.
Now, these are family neighborhoods, folks.
If Junior throws a ball through one of their windows,
he's just liable to trigger a death squad.
What are you doing?
My producer Sydney's talking in my ear.
Luckily, you can't hear her.
Okay, nobody cares, Grant-
Sydney says nobody cares. Maybe she's right.
You forgot to do the closures after the billboard.
I think you do care, region.
Taking no prisoners.
You know what that means?
It means full disclosure, whatever the consequence.
Not full disclosure, Grant, school closures.
I need you to read the school closures.
That's what people need.
This is Radio 660,
the Beacon.
Hey, you can't just cut me off like that!
Jesus.
Okay, you know, Grant, the whole full disclosure shtick
works better in a bigger context.
Well, actually, it's what got me fired.
Well, there's that too.
The thing is is that small towns,
they already come without prisoners.
It's called gossip,
and it's way ahead of you.
No, no, Sydney, I'm not talking about gossip.
I'm talking about building a relationship
with my listeners,
you know, shaking 'em up a little bit.
Okay, we do news, weather, sports, local spots.
That's what I need you to do.
What the hell do you think you have to disclose to us anyways?
I mean, what is this that you think we need to hear from you?
I don't know.
Well, actually, I do know, Sydney.
I am trying to piss a few people off
because that's how it's done.
Simple as that.
You see, a pissed-off listener is a wide-awake listener.
And he ain't gonna change the station.
In fact, he may just call his pissed-off brother
and get him to listen too.
And then his pissed-off brother,
he might call his pissed-off- I don't know-preacher.
And that, Lady Briar,
is how you build a loyal listening audience.
Okay, well, I-
That all sounds perfectly pleasant, I'm sure, okay?
You know, Grant, you're first-rate.
You're doing a first-rate job.
But just let me tell you something.
Small towns, they're fiercely proud places
with proud people, people who need to know
if the school bus is coming.
And so if you come in here with your "take no prisoners" this
and your "pissing everyone off" that,
people are just gonna think you're a dick.
Okay. Okay.
I mean, you're going to embarrass and alienate-
Yeah, okay. I said "okay."
Sorry.
Just the reality.
Okay, Grant, I want your Mazzy-ness.
I hired your Mazzy-ness.
I want the Mazzy-ness.
I just need the Mazzy-ness to come in a little slower,
a little more get to know you,
a little- little slower.
Yeah, I get it.
I'm not stupid.
That's not what I meant.
I wanted to hear what he was gonna say.
Come on.
He was just gonna talk about himself.
Okay, Pontypool, good morning.
You know, I want to talk to you about something
that has been bugging me all morning.
Who are you? Who are you?
Who are you?
Here's my question, Pontypool.
Here's my story.
Now, look, I'm driving into work today,
and I pull up to the stop sign at Drum and Main.
And it's 6:30 in the morning, and it's cold,
and it's dark.
And suddenly, this woman appears out of nowhere.
I didn't hit her or anything.
My car wasn't even moving.
All of a sudden, she's at my passenger window.
She's babbling something,
but I can't understand her.
I can't hear her. I don't know what it is.
And then, poof.
She's gone.
Cold morning.
So what do I do?
Do I call 911?
Who do I call?
No one?
Our number is 519-555-3486.
Let me know what I got to do.
CLSY, Beacon Radio,
your beacon on the region.
This Sunday, St. Luke's Anglican Church
presents "Esther's Story,"
a puppet show for all ages.
It tells the story of young Esther's bravery
and willingness to trust God and-
Good morning.
Oh, where are you calling from?
Uh-huh.
And what would you like to say to Grant this morning?
I'm sorry. What?
Has Mrs. Tripp called in yet?
No.
That's weird.
Mrs. Tripp never, ever, ever misses a day.
And where's Roger?
It's almost 10:00.
What are those?
Grant gave us Valentines.
You can put 'em up somewhere.
You know, he- he's doing okay.
So okay, sweetheart, I'm gonna call Mrs. Tripp.
Something's coming in on the radio.
Roger, where are you?
Yeah, roger that.
We still have a code 48 in progress at the Fish Hut.
Sydney! Syd!
Has requested backup.
Weapons present. 10-4.
Roger that.
Sandy Hook and Wilmont, code 48.
Okay, so what's code 48, Laurel-Ann?
It means we have a hostage situation.
There's some confusion.
There's nothing on the wire
so I'm gonna key it in right off the police radio.
Really? There's nothing on the wire?
Okay, so let's not do anything with this yet.
32% are pranks.
Yeah, no, I'm not getting anything either.
Whatever you do, don't feed this into Grant yet.
You may need to save your life.
Ah, shit.
With your host, Grant Mazzy.
Yeah, Grant, it's Gordon calling.
I just want to throw this idea out there
about the 911.
What if you had another number that was-I don't know-
say, like, 912 or something
that was not for total emergencies.
So if you had a bit of a gray area
and you weren't sure whether you wanted to call 911,
you'd call 912.
I just have a feeling it might catch on.
I think it's something people might, you know, take to.
Gord, that's a great idea.
You should be running the world.
Pontypool, my Pontypool,
we interrupt our call-in segment
to bring you breaking news out of our area this morning.
Out on Sandy Hook and Wilmont, we have a hostage situation.
Two men are holding a van load of people at gunpoint.
The van is apparently towing a fishing hut.
Sporadic gunfire-
Okay, lose the story, Grant.
We're going to Ken Loney.
We're going to the Sunshine Chopper.
No one knows as yet what these hostage takers want
or whether or not they even know.
They're all drunk, Grant.
It's the end of ice fishing season.
But this being the end of ice fishing season,
ice hut removal time,
the chances that everyone on the ice this morning
is drunk is a very distinct reality.
Drunk ice fishermen and dare I say, drunk policemen,
drunk officers of the law,
drunk Ontario Provincial Police.
This is not yet confirmed by our sources, of course,
but police, possibly drunk,
are reporting that the hostage situation
has resolved itself.
They have two suspects in custody,
both unarmed, as it turns out.
And the three people they were holding up
in fact fled the scene.
One can only hope that breaking news theme music
will accompany this story at some point.
There we go.
Oh, the state of drunkenness have leveled off
to acceptable levels this morning
as Buddy Bob Roseland and Dead-Eye Derek McCormack,
O.P.P. Pontypool Division-
Wrap it up, Grant.
The hostage situation.
We'll be back with updates as the situation hiccups.
We now go to Ken Loney in the Sunshine Chopper
for a little perspective on your morning drive.
Keep an eye out for crazy ladies in the snow,
and remember, wherever you're headed,
get there safe.
Hey, good morning.
It's your buddy Ken high up in the Sunshine Chopper.
Routes look fine, building normally.
Oh, come on.
You people got to learn to laugh at yourselves sometimes.
The story's not funny.
Derek McCormack is an alcoholic.
Bob Roseland is an alcoholic.
They're trying to keep their jobs.
Oh.
Derek's my brother-in-law,
ex-brother-in-law.
Ouch.
Grant?
Hm?
Ken Loney's not in a chopper.
What?
The Sunshine Chopper is Ken's Dodge Dart.
He plays sound effects.
Ken sits up on a hill for his aerial view.
And people are thrilled to have him up there in the sky
flying around in his Sunshine Chopper,
even though.
Oh, man, I bet they are.
Okay.
Syd?
Yeah.
I hate winter.
Everybody does.
No, not like me.
These late winters,
I feel like I'm living in the basement of the world.
It's so cold and so dark.
Yeah.
Yes, sir.
Well, you're gonna be okay.
Oh, and, Grant,
I'll tell you what.
When the whole fish hut story gets confirmed,
we'll bring it straight to you right away, okay?
And it's yours, even if it's not legitimate.
You can do your whole "take no prisoner" thing, okay?
And you'll find it funny this time?
I'll find it as funny as I did the last time.
I bet you.
I was talking to Constable Roseland.
He's totally serious.
He has completely freaked.
Something happened this morning on the ice,
and it's put them all into a state.
And now he wants us to drop the story.
Drop it?
Well, it's probably nothing, right?
Probably just a hoax.
Anyways, we got the "Lawrence of Arabia" cast coming in,
so we're gonna brighten up the day with that.
Laurel-Ann here.
Okay, okay.
It's Ken Loney.
Hey, Ken.
Oh, Ken, slow down.
Yeah.
Ken, where are you?
Okay.
Ken, slow down.
Slow down.
And how many?
Okay.
Okay, Ken, just a second.
Okay, wrap up Pontypool Corner, Grant.
We have a big story breaking.
Listen to me. Keep it hard.
Says here-
Okay, Ken, just a second.
They'll have a cab sitting in the lot all night.
Just a second. We're going live.
Buck and doe double bill this weekend.
So I'll check it out and make sure it's right
that they're both at the same time,
but that's what it looks like.
We have breaking news out of our region this morning.
It appears-
it seems that a large group of people have gathered
outside the offices of Dr. John Mendez.
It appears to be a protest of some kind,
and officials are describing the crowd as "unruly."
Now, Dr. John Mendez, you may recall,
he was under investigation
for writing unnecessary prescriptions.
We have an exclusive live report from Ken Loney
in the- in the Sunshine Chopper.
What can you see there, Ken?
Grant, I am- I'm watching hundreds,
literally hundreds of people packed in
and around this building,
and it looks pretty awesome up here.
They seem to be trying to cram themselves inside-
oh, whoa.
What's happening, Ken?
The side of the office,
this building has just burst outward.
It's spilling people.
It's just kind of exploded.
Oh! Oh, Jesus!
It's an explosion of- of people.
Oh, my God!
Uh, people are getting trampled.
These people are getting killed down there.
Oh! Ah!
Ken, do you see any police?
Is anybody trying to restore order,
um, down there?
No! No, I don't see-
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
There's a convoy of trucks and military vehicles.
Where did they come from?
What the hell?
There's helicopters.
Uh-
there's a helicopter at, like, 2 o'clock and 1-
Uh-
Holy shit.
I got to back up out of here.
Okay, Ken.
Ken, get safe.
Just try to get out of there.
The road is blocked.
There's definitely fatalities here, down there.
People just died, Grant.
I don't know what the hell has just happened.
Well, we're gonna have to see if we can-
- Grant? - Ken, we're-
Ken?
Are you there, Ken?
Okay, we've got nothing on this, Grant.
We've got to get some information
on what is currently happening.
Christ, this is five kilometers from here.
Not more than three- five kilometers
from the station itself.
Don't say a lot, Grant.
We need to get this confirmed somehow.
Something has happened at a doctor's office
here in Pontypool involving a possible riot.
I can't get through to the O.P.P.
Clearly, something has happened
here in Pontypool.
Okay, we've lost Ken. Go to break.
Go to recap, Grant.
Describe what he saw or at least...
what he thinks he saw.
You know, the French philosopher Roland Barthes
once described trauma as a news photo without a caption,
and that, folks, is what I think we have here now.
♪ C-I-S-Y, Pontypool. ♪
♪ C-I-S-Y. ♪
Did you get Ken back?
We're trying.
We're trying on getting Ken back.
We're trying to reach the police.
Grant, we still have nothing on the wire on this entire story.
Laurel-Ann and I are gonna work the phones.
We're gonna work our sources.
We gonna try to find out something solid we can put on the air.
Okay, and what do you want me to do?
Okay, well, Lawrence and the Arabians have-
have come all this way.
Nancy, how are you?
You've got to be fucking kidding me.
Come on, Grant.
I don't need you to be a problem right now.
But Sydney, Sydney.
We got the hook in.
You can't just cut the line like that.
Look, I just need you to do your job.
These fine people, you're gonna interview them,
and then they're gonna sing a song.
Sydney, do you really think
that this is what our audience is expecting
to hear from us right now?
So Laurel-Ann and I will dig up a story on this
that we can put on the air.
Thank you.
Okay.
Okay, fine.
Let's do it.
Let's find out how the fuck rehearsals are going in fucking Arabia!
Come on, gang!
Come on.
♪ The Nefud Desert is a sand-filled ear. ♪
♪ If you fall off your camel, it cannot hear. ♪
♪ The Nefud Desert is a sand-filled ear. ♪
♪ If you fall off your camel, it cannot hear. ♪
♪ But I can hear- ♪
Listen to this, Rick.
♪ Lying in the night. ♪
♪ We need the boy's life to prove that we are- ♪
This is "Lawrence of Arabia."
♪ I can hear him sleeping still in the sand. ♪
♪ I must save him so a lesser man will understand. ♪
♪ The children know this is not about a British war. ♪
Something's definitely happened.
We can't just leave this.
We can't go back on the air without something solid.
Laurel-Ann find me somebody I can put on the air.
Well, I've got Aline Freethy on two.
She's hysterical,
but she seems to be in the middle of things.
Okay, well, see if you can calm her down.
See what she's got.
Why is there nothing anywhere on this?
♪ Nefud Desert is a sand-filled ear. ♪
These are Bedouin girls.
Grant, we're trying for eyewitnesses.
We'll have somebody for you when your singers are done.
♪ Are we sleeping? ♪
This is Osama bin Laden.
♪ From the sun. ♪
♪ Are we dead? ♪
♪ Are we sleeping? ♪
♪ I will wake the fallen boy. ♪
♪ I will not forsake a trust. ♪
♪ I will reach back across the dunes ♪
♪ and stir the desert's heart ♪
♪ and fill it with your blood. ♪
♪ It is a sacred trust ♪
♪ to fill it with your blood. ♪
Fuck you, Rick.
That's it.
Okay, now, that was...
Tony Burgess, Maureen Hinkle, Nancy Freethy,
Jay Pullman, and Colin Pullman
singing "The Nefud Desert."
I can't remember how it ends.
How what ends, Farraj?
It just keeps starting over and over and over and over.
And it's not called "The Lawrence and the Table," is it?
Not anymore, no.
No.
Prah, prah, prah, prah,
prah, prah, prah, prah,
prah, prah, prah, prah.
Okay, folks.
I guess that's it.
Okay, I've got Steve VanDenzen.
He's at the Mendez office,
and he's talking about a mob or a parade or something.
- He's very excited. - Okay, any word from Ken?
- Nothing. - Shit.
Okay, I'm gonna keep trying Roseland.
See if you can get the straight talk from VanDenzen.
Listen, I got a couple of cars-
Jeep Grand Cherokee marked at $24,995.
Sydney, there's something very weird going on
with our girl, Farraj, there.
Okay, you were great, Grant.
You did your job, and-
Didn't you hear her?
Yeah, I know.
I know you really wanted to stay with the story.
I needed you to buy us some time.
And I appreciate it. I really do.
So I have something now,
and I'm tossing it all back at you.
Okay, great. What do you got?
Okay, so there's still nothing anywhere on the wire
regarding this mob scene,
but I've got ten eyewitnesses in town.
We're going live with Steve VanDenzen.
That's great. Fuck the wire if we got eyes.
Okay, keep it hot, Grant.
Girl, you got it. Hit me.
Your beacon on the region.
Any word from Ken?
Nothing.
Welcome back, folks, to our developing story,
where it appears that hundreds of people
have been involved in a riot
in and around the offices of Dr. John Mendez.
You heard our own Ken Loney describe the violent scene.
We now go live to eyewitness Steve VanDenzen.
Steve?
Steve VanDenzen?
Get out! Go!
Go! Go! Go!
Okay, I'm afraid we've lost the signal from Steve VanDenzen.
We'll try and return to him later.
But we have just had a report from a Pontypool resident
that confirms, indeed, a mob was spotted
earlier today headed through town,
headed toward the offices of Dr. John Mendez.
Apparently they were moving-
And they are-
we're still waiting for word
exactly what motivated this crowd,
this mob, to organize in a-
Grant, I think people are fucking with us.
You know, it's very difficult at this moment
to get a fix on what has happened,
but clearly-well, you heard our own reporter Ken Loney earlier.
I don't know, Grant. I don't know.
We can't get Ken back on the line.
We are still trying to-
This is completely fucked.
I don't know what's going on.
CLSY.
Can you slow down? I can't understand what-
- CLSY. - Okay, hello?
We have also learned that some of the perpetrators
are speaking in bizarre ways.
They're babbling in ways that no one understands.
We don't know if this is a way of trying to terrorize people.
We don't know.
Hello, CLSY?
I'm sorry. What did you just-
We still do not have an official version
of these events,
but it has been reported that up to 75 people are dead.
Sounds honest. It is honest.
And at least twice-
I have CBC and CFRB on the line wanting to talk to you.
We now take you to Constable Bob Roseland
of the Pontypool unit of the O.P.P.
He's on the line live.
Constable Roseland, what's happening out there?
At 7:00 this morning,
our officers answered a 911 call
to the Golden Dawn facility
to discover a large number of people
occupying the building.
They seemed to be trying to get in to the elderly woman's room.
And this woman has since died
from incidental injuries-
Okay, Grant, apparently these people were chanting something.
It's a little creepy.
Chanting something-
And what were they saying?
They were repeating things.
This woman was saying- and she's all senile,
so she's babbling about Hitler and some hurricane-
Crazy talk. Get out, Grant.
Okay, thank you, Constable Roseland.
Now, we are also hearing about a herd-
Well, that's how it's being described.
A herd of people near the edge of the forest
near Highway 26 in Edenvale.
Where's Edenvale, Sydney?
It's northwest.
Now, Edenvale is northwest of us.
And also between here and there-
Okay, please keep holding.
A couple with their two young children
have been trapped in their car
under a mountain, a mountain, of people.
Apparently, Grant, I'm being told
by Rachael Jones that these people
were imitating windshield wipers.
They're making the sound of windshield wipers.
Um-
CLSY.
Haven't been able to actually see the car in over an hour.
Can I put you on hold for a sec?
They sound like bugs.
Sydney, I've got BBC World on the line.
BBC?
There are a growing number of eyewitness accounts,
but we still have had nothing official.
No press conference has been held-
Grant, I've got Nigel Healing for you.
What?
Yeah, Nigel Healing from the BBC.
Don't talk to me. Talk to him.
Listen, our air, their air. They want to go live.
Let's just do it.
We are talking to Grant Mazzy, the news radio anchor
from Pontypool, Ontario, in Canada,
who broke this story.
Mr. Mazzy, are you there?
Grant.
Yes, Nigel, hi.
Mr. Mazzy, is it true that French Canadian soldiers
have set up roadblocks preventing people from leaving
and entering your area-
I haven't heard anything about this, Grant.
I don't think he knows what he's talking about.
And if so, does this have anything to do
with your country's history of separatist terror groups?
Well, uh...
Nigel, none of that is true.
The military, of course, is rumored to be involved.
And of course, the police are responding as we speak,
but from what we can tell, there's nothing organized,
nothing political,
certainly not terrorist or separatist.
But, Mr. Mazzy, this certainly looks like an insurgency of some kind.
Large groups of people are involved.
But if it's not organized, as you say,
and it's not political,
then can you help our viewers at home understand
exactly what it is we've been reporting on?
He's good.
Uh, Nigel, the honest truth is
that no one has officially come out ahead on this.
We simply do not know.
There you have it.
A series of strange riots
and violent mob scenes in rural Canada
that no one- I repeat, no one-can explain.
Meanwhile, reports persist that French Canadian riot police
have been called in to crush this insurgency.
Ah, fuck you, Nigel.
He knows nothing.
Where are you?
Okay, I'm gonna pass you through to Syd.
I've got Ken.
Ken.
That was Nigel Healing from our affiliate station BBC.
We now go to Ken Loney live in the field in Pontypool.
Our reporter, Ken Loney.
Ken? Ken, are you there, Ken?
Uh, yes.
Yes, I'm here.
Send someone. I'm not safe here.
Not safe where, Ken?
Oh, don't say where he is, in case something happens.
Grain silo.
I'm near the train tracks. It's the big silos, not the little ones.
I ran here from the entranceway
of the Nimigon National Park.
They came after me.
You got to send police.
There is no contacting the police, Grant.
There is no reaching the police.
Can you tell us what happened?
What's happening there, Ken?
I'll tell you this.
I just saw-
I've seen things today
that are gonna ruin the rest of my natural life, Grant.
And I'm scared.
I'm scared.
Ken?
Ken, listen to me.
It sounds like you're okay where you are.
So don't move, and you just stay there.
And we're gonna- Cannibals.
And some were naked and-
and like dogs.
And their eyes.
That look; it's just-
startled, kind of wild.
Oh, God, Grant.
- Okay, Ken- - No, no, no, no.
You don't understand.
I'm looking through a little door.
There's a little door at the base of the door,
some kind of cat door or something,
and I can see the-
just-okay, let me move so I can see the-
No!
Look out!
Oh, God, they're pulling two people out of a van.
Who are they, Ken? Who are they?
There's a bunch of them.
They're people, but they're crazy.
They're pulling these two out of the van.
Oh, my God!
They're- they're biting them.
They're actually carrying them to the ground
in their mouths.
I can't-
Can't see.
They're biting. They're just biting.
They look like a school of fish,
like a frenzy of piranha.
It's almost as if- it's like-
it's just how it looks, I guess.
But it looks like these people are trying to climb
or eat their way inside.
And they're so desperate,
like they have to be inside-
One has his entire leg and another-his arm-
it's right inside.
Okay, stop this, Grant.
They're pulling themselves apart!
Okay, Grant, stop this now.
Ah!
Holy shit.
He heard that. One of them looked over.
He heard me.
Oh, he's coming. Holy shit.
I got to hide. He's running.
He's running.
Ken, get out of there.
Ken?
Ken, it's Grant. Are you injured?
Have you been hurt?
No, no.
Just lying here.
I'm in the dark.
It crashed through the wall.
It was Mary Gault's boy,
her big teenager Jessie or Jake or something.
Oh, my God, Jessie.
It was him. He had no hands.
The kid had no hands.
Grant, let's stop this now.
What's he doing now?
Not on the air, Grant.
I'm not gonna listen to somebody get killed on the air.
He's looking at me.
I think he can't move.
He must've broken some bones.
I can see his eyes.
He can't move.
Wait, wait.
I think he's-
- No. - Hang on.
Ken?
Whatever you do, don't go near him.
He's whispering something.
He's saying something.
I'm gonna get closer
and see if I can just hear what he's saying.
No, I wouldn't do that, Ken.
What the hell was that?
- Ken? - They cut into our signal.
Ken?
Do we still have Ken?
No, we've lost Ken.
We've lost Ken, folks.
We are working on a translation
of the message we just received live on the air.
It's something about "avoid family members,"
"talk only to babies."
It's crazy shit.
However working on a translation.
Okay, I got it.
It's on your screen.
Okay, we have the translation.
Now, I'm gonna read this, reminding our listeners
that the source has not yet been identified
and early analysis has identified this
as possibly a hoax of some kind.
And I'll remind you that the source was not us,
and indeed, we do not know the source.
"For your safety,
"please avoid contact with close family members
"and restrain from the following:
"all terms of endearment,
such as hugging or-"
Sydney.
Yeah, Bob, what's up?
"And rhetorical discourse.
"For greater safety, please avoid the English language.
Please do not translate this message."
What do you got?
That was Bob Roseland.
He said that we have to stay inside.
Pontypool is under quarantine.
Everybody has to stay inside at all times.
Did you get-
Hello? Hello?
Yeah, did you get that?
- Ken? - Did you get-
I'm sending you some audio with my phone.
Oh, thank God. Ken, are you there?
Did you get that?
No, Ken, I didn't get it.
I don't get anything right now.
Okay, okay, let's-
I'm gonna try that again.
Okay, listen.
And keep in mind-
picture this.
This is-
what you're about to hear is coming from Mary Gault's
big teenage boy.
He's lying here in the dark
with his body- it's broken to pieces.
And his wrists, I can see them.
They're stumps. They're not stumps.
They're pointing up at his sides.
No, Grant, what are we doing?
Listen, listen, listen, listen.
Mama.
Help me.
Mommy.
Help me.
Mommy.
Did you hear that?
I don't even know how he's doing that.
It's sounds like there's a child,
it's screaming inside his breath.
Is this actually happening, Ken?
Easy, Grant. Easy.
All right.
That was our own Ken Loney.
What?
That was our own Ken-
Ken Loney.
You're on the radio, ain't you?
Interviewing-
On the radio, you big-
A screaming baby coming from Mary Gault's
eldest son's last dying gasps.
"Mazzy in the Morning."
Grant. - What?
Grant?
Fishin'. We're goin' fishin'.
It was a little baby, tiny little baby.
- Grant? - What?
Okay, Grant, listen to this.
BBC is going wide with the Mendez story.
He just said "Honey."
He just said, "Honey the missing cat poster."
What?
The Honey the missing-
Honey the missing cat.
Grant?
Honey the missing cat poster, Grant.
Grant?
Oh, jeez.
Laurel-Ann, let's go out.
School closures.
Five, four-
School buses throughout Prince Edward County
and Victoria are not running today,
but some schools are remaining open.
Bing Public School-
Are you finding this funny, Syd?
Are you laughing?
It's not a joke, Grant.
I'm beginning to think this is not a joke.
Everything that I've got looks real.
The cat?
Nigel Healing said, apparently-
Nigel Healing said "apparently"-
Can you fucking hear yourself?
Don't yell at me, Grant.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Syd, you know, I'm having a lot of trouble here believing this.
I know, Grant, I know.
Me too, okay?
I mean, is somebody pulling my leg?
Are they, like, taking the piss out of me, you know?
I mean, is it some kind of stunt?
Well, there's some dead people-
A pretty big number, I think.
Look, I got to get out of here, okay?
I'm having a lot of trouble believing
that this is actually happening, okay, so-
I'm just going to get out of here for a minute.
Grant, Grant, I just need you to sit back down.
You stay there, okay?
I need you in your chair.
You need to sit back down.
Okay, we've got crickets.
Laurel-Ann, go to pre-tape.
- What pre-tape? - I don't care, anything.
Just go to pre-tape.
Where are you going?
Mrs. French's cat is missing.
The signs are posted all over town.
Okay, um, you know, I need you back in the chair, okay?
Uh, no, I got to- aw, man.
I got to go outside and take a look at-
Grant?
Grant, I can't have dead air.
Syd, does this have something to do with me?
What are you talking about?
This.
I mean, why?
Why are they carrying dead cat pictures, huh?
Huh?
I mean, is this me going crazy?
You know, I need to feel that there's something solid.
I need to confirm-
I need to know that there's more happening to everyone
than what's happening to just me.
You know?
Grant, come on.
You!
You are fucking with me!
You are fucking with my head!
And, you, don't you fuck with me!
Well, Norman Mailer, he had an interesting theory-
Grant!
Grant, come on.
It's dangerous.
Don't go, Grant.
There's people dying, Grant.
Well, I got to take a look out there.
I got to see what's going on.
We'll go when the blizzard's done.
I need you on the radio.
Don't walk out on me, Grant.
Please, I need you!
Shit!
Fine, just fucking fall apart.
It's nothing.
It's just a cold, cold, cold day.
Oh, shit!
What you looking at?
Shit! Move!
- Don't you walk out- - Don't you walk out on me.
What the hell is that?
- I need you. - We have an enemy, sir.
Laurel-Ann, we got an enemy.
Okay, what's going on?
Those are my words.
Don't walk out on me, Grant.
What is going on?
Sydney, Sydney.
Hey, Sydney. - I'm scared.
Sydney, listen, I'm scared too.
Don't you walk out on me.
You're cut.
Hey, Laurel-Ann, we got a first-aid kit?
Yeah, okay.
Sydney, focus here.
Focus. Look at me.
Where are your kids?
They're with him. They're in the city.
That's 100 kilometers away. They're safe, right?
- Oh, God, yeah. - They're safe.
Okay, we got work to do.
I'm going back on the radio.
This is a hell of a shift, Sydney.
What's up first?
- Obits. - Obits, okay.
But I got nothing taped.
Okay, we'll go live.
Live, that's what I like to hear.
Let's go.
Gwendolyn Parker was taken from this life in her 45th year
by her beloved husband Stanley, who left this world suddenly
at the hand of family members Fiona and Michael,
who then died at each other's hands
in their 12th and 17th years, respectively.
Janice Gwynn has departed from her abiding husband
and by his own hand in the 34th year of her life.
Jack Gwynn survived long enough to add four names:
Paul Hieghton, 43, Alice Hieghton, 42,
Brenda Hieghton, 12, and young Jesse Hieghton, 10,
to a list of passages before himself losing his life
as the result of an accident.
Greg Olan, 56, has been killed by Yolanda Olan, 61,
who also removed Frieda Olan, 81,
Patsy Olan, 12, John Freethy, 33,
Peter Stamp, 38, and Leslie Reid, 42,
who had, between them, caused the untimely passings
of Joel Froth, 67, Sandra Weydon, 23,
Tim Drummond, 17, Cynthia Drummond, 46,
Darren Drummond, 51, and Alicia Drummond, 91.
The Drummonds were survived on Cynthia's side
by the Hinden family until shortly before noon today,
when they were sadly removed from this world by a bus
driven by the recently departed Brenda Lockland, 43,
who was missed briefly by her husband, Gary, 37,
now deceased.
You're listening to In Memoriam on CLSY Radio.
David and Susan Varier Jones, married 51 years,
died suddenly in each other's arms
by each other's-
Are you listening to this?
Jason-
Really trying not to.
Shit.
I left my cell phone in the sound booth.
I want to talk to the kids.
When he's got them, he turns his cell phone off
or doesn't pick up or-
I don't know.
He's a jerk.
And has since gone missing several times.
So did anything this crazy ever happen to you in Afghanistan?
No, sir.
I believe this situation I brought back in my head.
What do you- what do you mean?
I don't really know.
I'm gonna go see if Mr. Mazzy's missing.
Missing.
As in-miss- I mean, Mr. Mazzy.
Mr. Mazzy's missing,
as in 'cause he's not here.
Well, honey, he's in the sound booth.
Yeah, I know.
I just- Okay?
I'm gonna- I'm gonna go.
Excuse me!
Sorry.
Please, don't be alarmed.
I'm Dr. John Mendez.
I've had a hell of a time.
I have literally been crawling on my hands and knees
throughout town all over and-
Okay, oh- don't say anything.
Okay.
Oh, boy.
She just started doing this.
Um, sorry. I'm a doctor.
We should step out.
Laurel-Ann? Laurel-Ann, honey, are you okay?
No, no, no, no.
It's terribly urgent that we keep moving.
She'll follow our voices.
We have to- what's that?
It's a sound booth.
Life boat. Let's go!
Mister-mister- Mr. Mendez is missing Mazzy.
No, no. I'm-I'm Missy Mazzy.
I have to-
We just need to get a little bit of lead time ahead of her.
Don't worry. She doesn't have a purpose yet.
- What's wrong with her? - Hurry, hurry, hurry.
Grant, Grant, Grant.
Jesus.
It's Dr. John Mendez.
- Mendez? - Hi.
You're the building that exploded.
And I think he probably has quite a story to tell.
Doctor, would you like to have a seat?
- You mean, on the radio? - Yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah, I have a story I want to tell.
No, guys, wait.
I'm not missing anymore.
I don't miss Mr. Mazzy.
I think it might be a little bit more interesting
than Nigel Healing, huh, Grant?
What's going on?
Your friend is sick.
I've seen a lot of this lately.
She doesn't know it yet, but she's hunting us.
I don't miss Mr. Mazzy.
I'm not missing anymore.
Sydney!
Missing Mazzy.
She doesn't look-
Okay, come on, we can't just leave her out there.
I want to talk to her. Grant, put-
No, no, no, no, no.
Let's leave the sound sealed in here with us.
She might lose track of where we are if she can't hear us.
You are listening to the Beacon.
We are holding our own here today,
and we are taking no prisoners, friends.
However, today we are those prisoners.
We are tired, and we are scared.
But we have live with us Dr. John Mendez.
Now, you may know him or you may recall
our own Ken Loney's vivid account
of the violence that took place
when the mob destroyed his practice.
Now, Dr. Mendez, we're looking to you.
You've had some special experience with these-
with these events.
And we would like any insights that you can provide.
Laurel-Ann, don't do that.
Stop.
Oh, she's rooting for voices.
This will grow vicious.
I should mention that, sadly, very sadly,
our own Homecoming Hero, Laurel-Ann Drummond,
is right now experiencing some kind of dangerous seizures.
I've seen this, what your friend is experiencing.
Okay, can I- okay-
I've seen elements of this.
She doesn't have a victim yet.
So I'm not sure how this will end.
I mean, a victim suicides,
but the victim needs a victim to suicide into.
I know this is horribly upsetting to you,
and I'm sorry to be the bearer of such disturbing news,
but I've seen this violent behavior at my office all morning.
Yeah, okay, we're going live.
I've got Ken. Okay, thank you, Dr. Mendez.
We are now going to our own reporter Ken Loney.
He's live in the field.
He's in the grain silo near Pontypool.
Are you there, Ken?
I'm here, Grant.
Ken Loney reporting from inside a grain silo.
Ken, we were very worried about you, Ken.
I think-I'm okay, but the person that was in here with me,
he has died.
Have you been there all this time?
Yeah, I haven't moved.
But you can hear crowds from time to time
passing by outside.
Can you hear what they're saying?
Are they saying anything?
I have. Yeah, you can hear them.
A group went by about an hour ago,
and they were talking about U-boats.
Well, they weren't talking really.
They were just sort of chanting something about,
"Look out for U-boats. Look out for U-boats.
Look out for U-boats."
Were they all saying this, Ken?
Yeah, yeah, all of them.
It's a symbol of the disorder.
A symbol of the disorder?
You mean a symptom?
It's a simple-
Uh, it's-
I have a problem.
What's happening there, Ken?
Do you need to get to someplace safer?
No, no, that's not it.
I- I-
What's going on, Ken?
It's gonna- It's gonna sound weird.
I can't stop thinking-
Do you have a sample?
I'm sorry?
A sample?
A sample of what?
Just a sample.
I think a simple kind of sample.
Mm, mm.
This is what I'm saying.
I need to-
I can't stop some sample-
some-
some sample.
Sample of what I'm trying-
sample of what I'm trying to say.
Do you-
Just try to stay calm, Ken.
What I'm trying to say.
Grant? Grant?
Ken? Ken?
I was gonna try to- try to-
Can you think?
I can't. I can't.
Stick to simple questions, simple.
Simple questions, simple.
Simple. Simple.
That's it. He's gone.
This is what he is now.
He's just a crude radio signal.
He's seeking.
Simple. Simple.
I think it's time to say good-bye, Grant,
to our man in the Sunshine Chopper.
Simple. Simple.
All right, good-bye, Ken.
Good-bye from all of us, everyone listening.
I hope you can hear me, Ken.
Good-bye.
He's gone.
Well, I mean, he's gone somewhere.
I'm so sorry, Sydney.
Ken was- he was-
he was a real good friend of yours, wasn't he?
Oh, he wasn't a friend.
Ken Loney was a pedophile.
I mean, not really a pedophile.
We just never let our kids go anywhere near him.
It's- this is-
it's just that I've known him 17 years.
It's just a long, long time.
Shit.
I wasn't a very good obit.
What's this now?
Ah, mm.
Ah, sorry.
Uh, folks...
we're still here,
and, well, Laurel-Ann has joined us again.
And she's looking worse.
She looks like she's been trying to eat something.
Stop.
You sure she can't hear us.
No, no, she can't.
Can she read lips?
Good question.
Read lips.
What?
No, I mean, that's a very interesting thing you just said.
Can they read lips?
Really?
Well, interesting how? How?
I should remind our listeners, we are talking to-
No. No, it can't be.
It can't be.
It's impossible.
What's impossible, Doctor?
It's viral.
That much is clear.
But not of the blood.
Not blood. Not in the air.
Not on or even in our bodies.
It is here.
Where?
It is in words.
Not all words.
Not all speaking.
But in some.
Some words are infected.
And it spreads out when the contaminated word is spoken.
Oh.
We are witnessing the emergence of a new arrangement for life,
and our language is its host.
It could have sprung spontaneously
out of a perception.
If it found its way into language,
it could leap into reality itself, changing everything.
It may be boundless.
It may be a God bug.
Okay, Dr. Mendez, look, I don't even believe in UFOs,
so I got to stop you there with that God bug thing.
Oh, really?
Well, you know, that's very sensible,
because UFOs don't exist.
But I assure you, there is a monster loose,
and it's bouncing through our language,
frantically trying to keep its host alive.
Is this transmission itself-
No, no, no, no, no.
If the bug enters us,
it does not enter by making contact with our eardrum.
No.
It enters us when we hear the word and we understand it.
Understand?
It is when the word is understood...
that the virus takes hold.
And it copies itself in our understanding.
Well...
Should we be talking about this?
What are we talking about?
Should we be talking at all?
Well, to be safe, no, probably not.
Talking is risky.
And, well, talk radio is high risk,
so we should stop.
But-
we need to tell people about this.
People need to know.
We have to get this out.
Well, it's your call, Mr. Mazzy.
But let's just hope what you're getting out there
isn't going to destroy your world.
The whole world can hear you breathing.
It's fine.
Your breathing, that's your top news story.
Can't take your breath away if you're breathing.
Breathe, breathe.
Go to Muzak, Grant, Muzak.
Can 14.
Seems we're still talking.
Should we make our moratorium official?
Hello?
Here she comes.
Hi, honey. Hi, honey.
Hi, sweetie.
Are you and Brend- you and Brendan are okay?
Oh, I miss you too, so much, honey.
I'll see you tomorrow, huh?
That's great, honey.
That's my-
uh-huh.
Is your daddy there, honey?
Can I talk to him real fast?
Honey, I didn't forget to call.
I just couldn't get through, sweetheart.
She shouldn't be talking to anyone who calls.
And no "sweethearts," please.
She should be breathing more.
Breathe, breathe, breathe.
Just talking out loud. Just talking out loud.
Can you please put your daddy on?
Oh, damn.
It's not your birthday today, Lulu.
It's Valentine's Day, sweetie.
It's not really a good time right now, sweetie.
Can you just put your daddy on?
♪ Happy Valentine's Day to you, Lulu. ♪
♪ 'Cause I love you. ♪
Lulu?
Hello?
Lulu?
Hello, honey?
Shit.
Phone lines are dead.
Something strange is happening to her.
I haven't seen this before.
Mazzy, Mazzy, Mazzy-
I forgot to give her a Valentine's Day card.
Grant, thanks for the Valentine card.
I didn't say anything. I'm sorry.
It was really nice.
Mazzy, Mazzy-
So this is what happens when a victim can't find a victim.
This is the fate they're trying to escape.
My God, that was impressive.
Oh, and singularly monstrous.
Defies compression.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Wow.
Breathe, breathe, breathe.
Oh, here they come now.
There must be hundreds of them
pressed against the walls of this building.
What we need is a flame thrower.
I thought we weren't supposed to talk.
Yes, yes, yes. You're right, you're right.
Sydney Briar is alive.
I looped it.
Sydney Briar is alive.
We can breathe again.
Breathe.
It's only the English language that's infected.
Oh, breathe, breathe!
Breathe, breathe.
Sydney Briar is alive.
Sydney Briar is alive...
Grant, run! Run now!
Grant, run. Run now.
Run. Grant, run.
Come get me.
Come get me!
Come get me.
Get me.
Sydney Briar is alive...
No.
Okay, okay.
I'm not gonna kill the doctor.
No.
God.
Okay.
Shit.
Merde!
- Grant! - Here he comes!
Sydney Briar's alive.
Sydney Briar is alive.
Lock the door.
Sydney Briar's alive!
Sydney Briar is alive!
Grant.
Grant?
He's saving us.
Sydney Briar is alive!
Mr. Mazzy, is it true that French Canadian soldiers
have set up roadblocks preventing people from leaving
and entering your area?
And if so, does this have anything to do
with your country's history of separatist terror groups?
Why didn't you speak up?
French!
Continue.
Oh, for Christ's sake.
Give it up, Grant.
Oh, there is no secret escape plan hidden in the words
that Nigel said to you.
Oh.
Stop that.
Can you help our viewers at home understand-
understanding- understand-
Syd?
We're not talking. I'm drunk.
This is how my last relationship ended.
How do you stop understanding this?
Oh, God.
You're gonna eat me soon, aren't you?
It's okay.
You be the killer.
I don't want to be the killer.
There's something Dr. Mendez said, you see?
He said that understanding a word copies the virus.
How do you not understand a word?
How do you-
Okay, you are talking a lot right now.
How do you not understand something?
How-somebody understands automatically.
How do you take, you know, like a word-
how do you make it strange?
We are gonna have killers in here soon
if you keep killing your own rules, Grant.
Grant? I'll kill the killers.
See, it's not understanding what disinfects it.
See, that's the question.
If it disinfects it, then how, without distorting,
how do you do that?
You kill the word that's killing you.
Oh, you kill the word that's killing you.
That's good; that's good. You repeat it.
Yeah, I remember as a kid, I used to-
I used to repeat words over and over and over again
till they were incomprehensible.
You think that's what it is?
Is that why they're repeating things?
Is it some kind of a immune system response?
You have to kill-
all the killing.
Yeah, but it doesn't work, because they repeat the word,
and then they still get sick.
So how do you make it unrecognizable?
How?
And what word?
Kill.
Kill, kill, kill.
Kill, kill.
Syd?
Are you okay?
- Kill. - Are you okay?
Kill, kill, kill.
- Okay. - Kill, kill, kill.
Syd, Syd.
Sydney, I think you got an infected word.
You're infected.
But we know the word.
Don't say anything. Don't say anything.
No, no, no. Stop.
Stop. We know the word.
Kill, kill, kill.
Okay, kill isn't kill.
Sydney, kill isn't kill.
It isn't kill. Kill isn't kill.
Kill isn't kill. Kill isn't kill.
It isn't kill.
Kill isn't kill.
Oh, God, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.
Okay, okay.
Kill is blue.
Kill is wonderful.
Kill is loving.
Kill is baby.
Kill is mayonnaise garden.
Kill is beautiful morning.
Kill is everything you ever wanted.
Kill is- kill is-
Kill is kiss.
Kill is-
Kill is kiss.
Is that it?
Kill is kiss?
Kill is kiss. Kill is kiss.
Kill is kiss?
Kill is kiss.
What is kill?
Kiss.
Kill me.
What?
Kill me.
Kill is kiss. Kill is kiss.
Okay.
Okay, I feel better.
Yeah.
I feel better.
Me too.
Okay, what just happened?
Seriously, what just- seriously, what just happened?
We just kissed.
I know, I know.
I know.
What just happened also?
Sydney, I think-
something big just happened.
I think I just cured you.
Sydney, this is big.
This is huge.
Where are you going?
We got to let people know about this.
We just found a way out of this.
Shit, Grant, wait. Listen to me, Grant.
What are we doing? What are we doing here?
Come on, girl. One last show.
One last what?
Grant?
Grant, listen to me.
We're not supposed to be even out here.
What are we doing out here? It's not safe.
Syd, we're gonna save the fucking world, right now.
How you feeling?
Well, you don't even know that you did that
or what you did or how you did it.
Listen, Grant, stop.
Listen, you're way ahead of yourself.
We're okay, okay?
We're okay. We're safe up there.
We just don't talk. We have to stay safe.
What Mendez said, let's make it easy.
Shit, Grant, we shut up or die!
People are already dying, Syd.
And we've been playing Muzak.
Do we really want to provide a genocide with elevator music?
Shit.
I don't know what I did up there, Syd, but I got to try.
Because if I don't- Okay.
What?
Okay, okay. I said, "Okay."
Yeah.
Oh, you're killing me, Mazzy.
Now get going. Go, go, go.
You there? You there?
Yeah, yeah, I'm here.
I'm here. I'm here, Grant.
- Hello? - Grant?
- Yeah, yeah. - Okay.
Okay, we're gonna do what we can.
Now, that French thing, that French thing,
he said terms of endearment and baby talk.
Okay, and we got your word.
We know how to clean that one up, right?
And what was Laurel-Ann babbling?
I don't know. I don't remember.
0 No, look, Ken Loney, he was saying "sample"?
Was that it, "sample"?
Okay, we need a list. Can you make a list?
There's no time for a list, Grant.
It's gonna confuse people.
What are you planning to do?
Okay, put me on, put me on, come on.
You're on.
Hello, Pontypool.
This is Grant Mazzy here, and today, as usual,
we're taking no prisoners.
In fact, today, folks, we set those prisoners free.
So here we go, folks.
"Kill" is "kiss."
"Kill" is definitely "kiss."
Now, sample-
"sample" is "staple."
Too specific, Grant.
Listen to me, folks.
Everything is something else, okay?
If you are saying "happy," it means "sad."
Happy means- no, that's the opposite.
It can't be that. Okay, it can't be that.
"Happy" is "handy."
"Happy's" "handy."
Move things around, people, just move 'em around.
It's-
You have to stop understanding, stop understanding
what you are saying.
Stop understanding and listen to me.
Sample-
sample is a color.
Sample is a color and a number.
Okay, no, Grant, no, Grant, You're making sense, okay?
If you say "don't understand," it defeats the purpose.
Okay, okay, here we go.
The sky is a person.
Laughter is walking.
Yellow is crowded.
Friends are verbs.
Sounds like shitty haiku, Grant.
I may be wrong, but I don't think we're saving the world
with shitty haiku.
Okay, for Christ's sake. Everybody's a critic.
Help me out here.
Cling!
Intake.
- Trespass! - Sniper.
- Swimming. - Tomorrow.
- Fidelity. - Monologue.
- Savage. - Sausage.
- Tomorrow. - Money.
- Ceiling. - Uh, I don't-
rhinoceros.
Laughter.
Shit!
They're just shooting people, Grant.
They're just killing people.
Stop killing people!
You got to stop killing people!
You got to stop!
You got to stop, stop, stop!
Just listen to me.
I said, "Listen to me."
I think everyone's dead.
You're just killing scared people.
It's what you always do.
You're killing scared people.
You are like dogs.
You smell fear, and you pounce.
Well, what the fuck happened today, folks?
Someone took a buzz saw to your middle
and they pulled out a wheelin' devil,
and they spilled it right across your anthill.
But you know what, friends?
We were never making sense.
And today, today, when Armageddon leached out
into your good, good mornings,
you know what?
It's just another day,
another day in Pontypool.
The sun came up.
You did what you did yesterday.
And it's exactly what you'll do tomorrow.
Today's news, folks,
today's late-breaking, developing,
just-across-my-desk news story is this:
It's not the end of the world, folks.
It's just the end of the day.
This is Grant Mazzy for CLSY Radio Nowhere.
And I'm still here, you cocksuckers.
Police are warning that travel between towns
in central Ontario has been restricted.
The prime minister is scheduled to address the nation
this evening at 9:00,
and in this announcement, he is going to declare marshal-
CLSY's morning DJ Grant Mazzy was heard speaking
incoherently just minutes before that station's signal was-
Just up this normally busy highway,
beyond the roadblock that prevents us from getting any closer,
sits the normally quiet town of Pontypool,
the scene of today's Valentine's Day massacre.
I mean, that's what I was, a loony.
The whole pattern in my head is off.
I feel better now.
I'm having a coffee.
I'm gonna take the dog out for a walk and clear my head, but-
You can almost see the curve of the Earth, a horizon.
Well, what do you think would happen
if you started to identify with, say, the 12th you out there?
You're listening to Soft Hits Radio in Peterborough.
And we have breaking news over our city this morning.
As of 10:00 a.m. this morning,
O.P.P. reports an alarming number of community crimes,
vandalism, looting,
and numerous assaults widespread across Peterborough.
We believe that this is related to the Pontypool incident
but want to assure the public that what is happening there
is not happening here.
I repeat, the events of February 14th in Pontypool
are not being repeated-
Or something, 'cause, like, my neighbor
kept on repeating, "What are you saying,"
again and again and again.
And it's like, I don't know what's going on here.
Thank you.
Can you tell me anything else that's happened?
Families up this highway, stores, and churches
and one assumes the same tight fabric
that binds all the small communities
dotting this part of the country.
Now everything that we find familiar out here
at this safe distance,
in all likelihood, gone,
just up this barren stretch of Ontario highway.
One can only hope that the disease,
if that's indeed what it was,
killed them before we had to.
No, but the wife can talk me crazy,
my teenage kid too, except the opposite.
He hasn't spoken a complete sentence to me
since last June.
Anyway, yeah, we're all driving each other nuts.
I was watching the TV,
and they had a brief little thing on it
saying that there's an outbreak or something,
but I mean, like, I don't know.
I don't see any vaccination trucks
or anything like you see in the movies.
I saw that "Outbreak" movie there a few years back.
I rented it.
And it's not quite like that.
I don't know what to think here.
I wasn't saying that it's funny.
I knew Grant Mazzy. I respected the man.
And I think he would want us to ask questions.
He would want us to find out what is really happening,
what's real.
And that's the latest from Kandahar.
In other news, French Canadian riot police
have successfully contained the violent uprising
in the small town in Ontario, Canada,
Pontypool, Pontypool, Pontypool.
Pontypool.
Let's get out of here.
Where are we going?
I can't play by the establishment rules any longer.
My patience has worn thin.
We're breaking the limits, stealing cars,
leaving the world behind to figure out
what they believe is black and white.
- But what about- - What about-
What about, what about?
It's not a good anti-establishment way
to begin a question.
My name.
My name too.
Johnny Dead Eyes.
Lisa the Killer.
Where are we going, Johnny?
To a new place that isn't even there yet.
And then?
Then we steal the loot and knock boots in the free world, baby.
Okay.
Okay, baby.